The dog days are over.

Yesterday was my last day at school; the university life for me was different. Attending a school that is 9000 miles away from home is no ordinary. It is thrilling and sickening at the same time, as everything else in this world, it has its own perks and drawbacks.

When I was offered this opportunity to go and study abroad I was over the moon, excited, and couldn’t wait to get there. I got everything in order at home before leaving to Malaysia in which I am going to spend the next five years of my life. Happiness and excitement were all over the place for so many reasons; I m gonna be free, living on my own, traveling seeing new faces, new people, new culture at this young age.

All these excitement and happiness were turned to agitation and depression in my first day at school, I remember vividly, when I first entered my dorm room. I hv put my bags on the floor, sat on the bed, putting my hands on my head, thinking to myself what the hell have I done, have I gone out of mind, it is my first day and I already miss my family and my friends like crazy….. what time is it now…. when is the next flight to Egypt, can I catch it. If I went back will I be able to go back to the university I dropped out from. What the fuck, is this gecko?, how I m gonna call home. Is it too hot in here. Is it only me who is thinking about this or all my friends do as well, and finally and most importantly, will I be able to survive 5 years in here. All these questions were rushing to my head, it has been a rough night actually one of the worst, but I told myself everything is gonna be alright isA, and it did el hamduliah.

My university life turned out to be the best life experience I have ever had, the university life built 80 % of my character. Apart from the education you get from the lectures, I believe that life is the greatest teacher of all time, it teaches you a lot and the witty is the one how can get the most out of it. You can learn a lot living alone. I was seventeen when I first came here. I was naïve, kind of stupid, thinking I m very cool. Mostly, like all the teenagers, but my character evolved so quickly I had to transform from a boy to a man in a very short time. I had to adapt to this completely different environment.

In an earlier post I mentioned that the best thing in Malaysia is my friends, and we together made it through the first days together. Honestly speaking, I wouldn’t have made it through these 5 years without them.

It has been great living in Malaysia, great country and great people. Malaysia taught me a lot. I feel sometimes like I owe Malaysia. If you asked me, name one thing that you regret? It will be not getting to know all my classmates more than I already know them; they are great people and it had been my pleasure knowing them all. In the end it is memories that we are left with, and I really hope we only remember the good ones, coz now every one of us will go separate ways and we may or may not meet again, but this is life. Nothing stays the same, and it is time to change. So cherish the good memories and forget all hassle and tension. It is time to write a new chapter, even though the last one was exhilarating, life goes on, and I have always believed that the best is yet to come.

u never know how it may turn out to be.

Around 8 years ago a friend of mine had his right arm broken. his name is mostafa abd el Fattah or we call him te7a. He broke it in his basketball practice or something I don’t really remember. It was kind of severe so he had to put it in cast for a little longer, and by a little longer I mean it stayed up to five or six weeks. Mohamed el Moez (Wezza) which is a mutual friend, came to me one day looking serious which is very weird of him coz he is always smiling.

Wezza: dude I want to talk to you.

Me: Sure bro, anything.

Wezza: dude this is serious, you can’t tell anyone.

Me: dude what’s up??

Wezza: It is about te7a.

Me: What about him.

Wezza: I went with him last night to the doctor to check on his arm, and the doctor told him that your arm is getting better, but there is another problem.

Me: ….

Wezza: you know his arm has been in cast for almost 6 weeks now, and when he did it the doctor advised him not to put his broken arm anywhere near water, so he listened to him and he did exactly what the doctor asked him to do. So he had never cleaned his hands for six weeks, and it even went worth, since he doesn’t clean his hands. It developed some kind of fungus and a skin disease and it is infectious. So you better not touch his right hand.

Me: shit maaan.. r u shitting me ..

Wezza: I swear man.

I tried to avoid te7a the whole day, but he will come to me and extend his hands to shake mine, but I would defy it, I would hug him or do anything but avoid contact with his hands, I felt terrible for two things, first is because he is my friend, second I felt bad for not telling all my other friends about it, but there was nothing I can do. On that day te7a was becoming extra friendly, he came to me every now and then extending his hands waiting for mine to meet half way, I tried avoiding him for hours, hoping that the day would pass and then I will figure out something to do for later, until te7a and wezza came and told me it is April’s fool you idiot.

El Taraweh Prayers

In Ramadan the one before the last one, I went to pray “el tarahweh”, we only pray taraweh during the holy month of Ramadan, it is a considerably long prayer where you have to stand still for a long time listening to the Imam reciting Qur’an, it’s a very good thing listening and thinking about the words of god in the Holy Qur’an, but like all Muslims or better say all people our minds drift away, no matter how hard we try to resist it, so in that beautiful prayer, my mind drifted away, I tried to concentrate on the words of god, it was very interesting being able to understand it, feel it and learn from the stories in it, I felt great happiness, felt as if my soul is being nourished, I felt the greatness of god in such simple words that have very profound meanings, only then that I realized that the one standing on my left hand side is south African and the one standing on my right one is Turkmen, which made me feel sympathy for them they don’t understand anything .. literally anything because the Qur’an is recited in Arabic..yet, they still come to the prayers and do what they have been asked to do, so I started speculating.. they might be feeling the meaning of these words in their souls or I don’t know but there must be something great happening here or else they wouldn’t be doing this, or maybe they are just doing it coz that is the orders of god and they have to obey it to be part of the great ideology in which they believe in.

But either way, this is the true meaning of Islam which is submission to god .., they did what they were asked to do coz they really do believe in it, and I shouldn’t feel sympathy to them anymore coz in fact they might have a better understanding of the religion than I do.

Ziad El Adawy

learning Vs Education ... ?!?!?!?!

U know when u are in a lecture that is so boring that u start thinking of all the irrelevant stuff in the world, I presume that u all know of it, it happens to me all the time except this lecture on Monday of last week, I went to the lecture 3 minutes late which is the usual, Walked through the door heading to my destination, focusing on my seat in the last row in the classroom, sat down, implied the impression that I really care of what is the lecturer saying .. while in my head ..it’s noisy, filled with ideas … memories .. a lot of more interesting stuff or at least to me than what she/he is really saying.

It came to my head that in less than 3 months I will complete my degree and be an engineer, a person who really counts in the society, thinking back through all what I have learnt in these 5 years, I discovered that academically what I have learnt is too little for that long period of time, and not just that, what bugged me more is that I learnt most of these stuff/subjects all by my own through reading, or doing projects.

So technically I could have got this degree without signing in for a university, I could have got the books and read them and I would have been just as good as now or even better. Or maybe I can get Medicine books and study them and be as good as a Med graduate except that he will get a job coz he has a piece of paper written on it that the person holds a degree in .. whatever, which is the case for Med students or any other student in any major, they just memorize the books, the better you memorize them the higher the marks you get, the better job you get, the quicker you get married, the better you raise your children, thinking that this will make you live a happier life, which is nt necessarily true

It became embedded in us that the more you study the happier ur life will be, I don’t really know who started it coz it is embedded by the media and the society inside everyone of us, so u will find some parents giving their kids hard time for screwing up a quiz in the spring semester of their 5^th grad, so it became a well known fact to him that if he didn’t do good at school he won’t be happy, and that lead to studying subjects that u can’t bear, cheating in exams deceiving himself b4 their parents, convinced that he did his part just alright.

This can be reflected In our own society now, you will c a lot of ppl almost everyone these days holds a degree, but he has no signs of education at all, education was formed in the first place to help human beings living a better life, a more civilized life, but if u took a glimpse of what is going on in the world you will find that we are just as barbarous as the cave man, we fight over anything, we have become tribes again.

I saw once in a lecture given by matthew taylor that “it has been a cliché that education is the most valuable resource in the global knowledge economy , it is just as important as fostering empathic capacity to achieving a world of citizens at peace with each other”.

The human brain is the most complicated thing on earth, it has endless powers, god gave it to us to utilize it and to think about everything not to just fill it with information, it is ok filling it with some information, but you have to use it as well, the scientists from b4 they didn’t go to school or anything, they reached the basis of all the sciences we have, just by utilizing their minds, who knows there might be a new science or a new philosophy, that you can discover and put the basis for it.

I read once but I can’t remember where, that there was a student that was just as me and you, he was sleeping in the physics lecture, and he woke up by the end of the lecture, he found that there is an unsolved equation written on the board as an assignment, he copied it down, went to the library to solve it but he couldn’t but he was so persistent and devoted that he will solve it, he kept researching for 2 weeks in all the resources available, until he managed to solve it, he went to his lecturer to tell him that even though this assignment was tough, he was able to solve it, It was a shock to both the lecturer and the student, coz the lecturer told him that these equations weren’t assignment or anything, they were Einstein’s equation that no one was able to prove them in history and he was just sharing them with the class, and that student, he won a noble prize for solving these equations, so if he was awake in the lecture and he knew that this equations were unsolvable he wouldn’t have tried and he wouldn’t have solved it.

Who knows how the world nw would have been like if Socrates was forced to join an engineering school, we would have lost a great philosopher, and what if Averroes (Ibn roshd) was forced to study economics we would have lost a great contributions in a very wide range of sciences and disciplines, I m not saying that we should study all this things, just pick the ones you like, even if it is silly or won’t make a living after.

For example I always made fun of those who studied fashion design, I thought that it is the least important thing in life, but I read a book there was this story of a king in the Arab world who was very wise, long story short, he paid millions of dollars to help a native who wanted to study fashion designing, that king helped him in achieving his dream and paid whatever, so when the king was asked u paid all this money for study of fashion designing you could have invested in the education of engineering or medicine or anything else, he replied that these other branches of sciences are very important but fashion designing is important as well, because you are wat u dress, no matter wat ppl say, investing millions to build the bridges between us and the western world is worth every penny, if you introduced the way u dress to the western culture it will be easier for them to perceive you and accept you, coz u will look to them familiar or one step closer at least.

It turned out that there is no such thing called least important discipline, if you looked at the developed countries you will find that they are offering all kinds of disciplines and they are funding them well enough, is that just a coincidence?.

I was actually about to post this article yesterday but I dunno why I delayed it, however today by coincidence I read an article by Richard Branson it was about Education as well, we all know that Richard Branson didn’t complete his studies but no one dares to call him uneducated or anything, coz that guy is a genius, anyways .. he was mentioning that education can be from different resources, u meet ppl u learn from them, u read u learn, u think u learn… but at the same time he said that studying at a university is important … but it is nt enough and I may quote from him” A diploma can be very useful, since it shows that you have gained the skills and other building blocks required to start your career. But obtaining a diploma is only a first step”

So All in all get a degree in whatever u like, and even if u don’t like it nw go with it .. but always educate ur self in the other disciplines u like u don’t have to hold a degree u can be just knowledgeable, a more interesting person .. and sure thing that whatever u learn will help u.

Sorry for taking so looonnngg .., I actually wanted to write more .. but I think this is enough. :D

And these are merely my thoughts .. I just got my brains in gear, u don’t have to agree with them.

Cheers

Ziad.

Goodbyes

Well as a remarkable day was 2day .. i thought of writing this post before i go on the queue to board on my flight back to Egypt .. this time is different because this time i'm going back for good ...
looking back at those past 5 years am really grateful for this experience ..they say one of the hardest thing in life is to find a true friend , i guess i was lucky enough to find many of them here
leaving 2day was certainly one of my most remarkable and emotional moments of my short life .. there was a flash back of memories when i was saying bye to every single person... after the 4th person i was starting crying which was really weird for me something i didnt expect but i couldnt help at the same time
anyway i want to thank all of u guys for all of this great time.. am sure this is the best memory i will ever have and u will always be the closest ppl to my heart . we have grown up together from kids to men sharing all of those great memories.... love u all

Are we Humans???

The Universe...Our galaxy... The earth...Continents...Creatures. ..Animals...brains & souls......

I would like to describe a thought I had one day... i state that it's just a thought.. a thought could be right or wrong.. A thought is not a believe.. Although at a very deep level, You will find that it all make sense....

It was a fascinating island ... like so many here in Asia...people from all over the world love to spent their holidays there.. For so many reasons that am not going try to state... but the majority of them come here to enjoy some freedom.. a freedom from everything.. from the society rules that usually control their lives...a freedom from the demands that they always have to supply ... a freedom from the irritating routine they live in ...some have a freedom from their own minds... they don't need anything to bother them....The main rule here, is TO HAVE FUN..

One day i was too exhausted from the beach and I couldn't go out at night.. I preferred to stay at the hotel, but one of our friends was leaving that day. I had to go out with them as a mini farewell party. we went out for a club. That night, one of my friends didn't feel like dancing so he told me he is going to stay at the second floor; It’s closed and the music is not so loud there. He would just set and watch us from there. i thought i should accompany him. it sounded like a good idea. am so exhausted after all. We both went and sat there where u can watch the whole club easily.

When you are dancing or when you are inside the club. you are doing something. so you don't have the time or the need to observe and think. At that moment from the second floor. I did something new. i was watching everyone..it was like a show.. a real live movie...i found myself observing the people in the club and thinking…. It was very interesting actually to watch them…

I have never had this feeling before but i saw animals.. a real animals.. not in a cage or a zoo..but all over the place.. they were not making any difference from the animals we see in the wild life.. in fact ... they were just like any group or species of animals that live together because they can only communicate with each other.. i saw a male dancing his ass up so he can make a random female mate with him…. another female was seducing a male so he can bring her food...i saw a real fight between prostitutes over an old male because he can offer them money and a place to sleep...the older prostitute wanted to mark her territory so she slapped the younger one on her face, then they started a cat fight " ;) "... the younger one called for the bodyguards ( strong males work for food ) . they kicked the older prostitute outside coz she is no longer desired from other males... i found a male hitting on a female so much .. that he was literally hitting her.. other bunch of males were physically abusing other females....bottles of drinks were crashing on the floor ... some food were thrown every where... 2 males got into a fight for a pretty young female.. some of them were sleeping on the couches and the floor mixed with the thrown bottles and food.

The shock i had from what i saw that instant made me think for hours...Like to be honest there wasn’t a slight difference between humans and animals… yea with my eyes, i saw us people.. but with my heart i saw animals... just animals trying to fulfill their desires...Food .. sex.. ...pleasure....who are we??.. are we humans and they are animals???.. or we r just a species of animals that we call on ourselves humans???.. we thought we r the chosen ones ???but why??? is it because we built civilizations ???.... am sure who ever take a look on how the bees work.. or how the ants organized .. or how the whales send waves to communicate.. he wd think they r good to go...may be we r just like any other species on earth... and because we can communicate with each other ... we made theories that we are better.... may be dogs thinks they are better... or may be eagles feel sympathy for other creatures coz they can't fly.. including my species .. Humans??? ........................................

It crossed my mind the fact that one of the Arab’s presidents, thinks he is the king of all kings. He actually throw himself a big celebration celebrating this fact. He believed he is the king of all kings and leaders in Africa. The poor old man doesn’t know that everyone think he lost it. So what if some creatures are saying “ poor humans “ ???…… You can always assume what you want from your own prospective. But as long not all the players in the game accept that fact. Then you are just in a delusion.

20 minutes.... 20 minutes i couldn't see in those people one reason make me believe we r better.. i was almost convinced that from a bird's eye view, we are all just groups of animals inhibiting the earth....it made so much sense for me at that moment.. then i came into my senses... i realized the very basic fact that you all thinking now... they are DRUNK.... you can't judge the whole human race because a bunch of drunk people...I realized that I was totally out of my mind. I know by faith That human race is in charge.. we r better than animals.. we have a thinking mind that can make choices...we can make our own future... we are civilized and we can truly take control over all the other animals..but.....

but why did i feel we r animals.. why i was so shocked to see humans acting like that...it's just one simple conclusion...... humans without there awareness is just animals…what i saw... was the most clear vision to what people is going to be like without their control on there minds... they would be nothing but animals.. not better than dogs or snakes or a group of monkeys anywhere... why am saying that? .. Coz when u shut off your control.. you just follow your desires..no limits.. just desires... no right or wrong... only try to get what u want.. like when you throw a bone out of the window.. and the poor dog just jump behind it .... It's a dog.. u can't blame a dog for following his desires.

i would like to mention here one verse in al quran, god said :

( أم تحسب أن أكثرهم يسمعون أو يعقلون إن هم إلا كالأنعام بل هم أضل سبيلا )

"al forqan". The verse show that some people are like animals, but even worse. that they don't open their mind and think.

The drunk example was so clear because it's an extreme... people kill while they are drunk.. they just follow there desires of anger, happiness , sex , food..... they are drunk.. BUT WAIT A MINUTE ...what if it was just a life style.. to follow your desires and needs without control . As long as your body satisfied.. then you are satisfied. A mind set, do whatever you feel like , no boundaries, no limits. I totally believe that it’s ok to enjoy your life, and to have some pleasure, but don’t live for that. Don’t be so drunk while you are actually sober.

One of my favorite public speakers is Moez Masoad, he once gave an example in one of his speeches that I liked so much. I will restate it here and let you guys think about it. How many times you were asleep and you had to wake up for something important and you couldn’t. May be you are going for a presentation or may be to travel with your friends. And when someone try to wake u up, u just ask them for 5 more minutes. And then 5 more minutes, then please let me sleep. I dun wana gooooo…..alot of us keep snoozing there alarms and they miss a lot. but once you are awake, you regret so much what you missed. While if some one managed to wake you up, you actually become so gratefull. Sleeping is so nice, but you miss the real life.

You would be mistaken if you thought am writing this to show how bad alchoholic drinks are.. or drugs.. it's too basic for everyone... am writing this to remind myself and everyone to be human beings. To feel the need to control your desires. Of course am not in a position to judge people. Actually no one in such a position. It’s just a very healthy habit to observe the world. You will always come to your own conclusions.

Don’t be enslaved in your body needs. tht would just make you an animal..or may be even worse.. a drunk human being.

a7san 7aga fe Malaysia

I have been thinking for a very long time on how to write this topic .. I feel obligated .. but what always hinders me, is that there is no words that can portray what I really want to say ….

Around four years ago, in my first year in Malaysia my friends and I decided to go to Thailand for our mid-semester vacation (spring break), first we went to Bangkok it was awesome .. then we went to phuket and the trip was getting better every day, awesome .. it was just perfect, and how not ?? .. you are travelling in one of the best spots in the world with some good friends.

In an unexpected turn of actions, I found myself in Bangkok phuket hospital, and in an expected behavior, I found that these “some Friends of mine” are becoming the Best of friends of mine.

Some people say that it takes a long time to make a friend, well it is true in the normal situations, and I have best friends whom I made in a lonnnnngg time .. and it is worth it hands down, but in the abnormal situations like these, the gestures these ppl did, makes you feel that those ppl you just met are your best friends already.

These situations may differ .. I mean you don’t have to go through an accident to know your best friends … some of my best friends were not there with me .. but I am dead sure that they would have done the same no doubt.

Since I came to study in Malaysia, around 5 years ago, I met so many ppl, some of them are friends and I really love them .. and on the other side there are my best friends, the kind of ppl that you can rely on them and be sure that they will help you with whatever .. and that they will care for you stuff as if it is theirs, With those ppl I have seen a lot … we went through a lot of things, although these 5 years are almost over but I will do everything I can to hold on those few forever isA ..

Following your dream

few weeks ago i was reading "the alchemist " .. in my copy i had this introduction which was as fascinating as the book was .. i think this introduction summarizes the ideas in the book on how everyone should pursue their dreams....


we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream.
Why?

There are four obstacles. First: we are told from childhood onwards that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it’s still there.

If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue their dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent them going forwards. We do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.

Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream, suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: “Oh, well, I didn’t really want it anyway.” We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.

I ask myself: are defeats necessary?

Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?

Because, once we have overcome the defeats – and we always do – we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.

Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives.

Oscar Wilde said: ‘each man kills the thing he loves’. And it’s true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal – when it was only a step away.

This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World and you understand why you are here.

Life is like a cucumber, one day it's in your hand, and the other it's in your ...

You know this days when you wake up late worrying about nothing .. getting some food for breakfast … surfing the internet … killing some time by watching some sitcoms and then going out at night .

Well I am in holidays... so you can’t blame me for doing that almost everyday ..

But yesterday... while killing some time watching scrubs... I took a glimpse of what is going on on the T.V, my father was watching Al-Jazeera news channel (Classic), and it was the trial of Tarek Aziz .. You might not know him .. or you might have heard his name here of there, but for me I’ve never heard of him before or I might have but couldn’t recall it, anyways .. I asked my father who is that man, he told me he was the foreign affairs minister of Iraq during saddam’s regime.

If you seen him u will be full of pity and sympathy to him, you might argue with me over whether he deserve it or not, I won’t argue about that .. actually what stopped me is not that man at all, although he looked restless and he was in his pajamas it looked I don’t know how to express it.

What stopped me is Saddam himself, have you ever imagined that one day that relentless man would be standing in court helpless and humiliated.

That man was living in an ivory tower, he killed millions, he raided on other countries, he destroyed villages, etc… he had no mercy or whatsoever, I guess for a second he thought that he is untouchable and being armored but that strong army, no one will ever touch him.

But thousands of miles away, there was a man just as bad as Saddam, he also raided on other countries, killed millions of people, destroyed countries, etc…

Along with Afghanistan, Pakistan .. There was Iraq.. Bush raided on Iraq.. and unfortunately the strong army couldn’t protect Saddam from his fate, he was caught/arrested .. in his own country by his own people dragged to court by Iraqi soldiers and sentenced to death by Iraqi judges .. it is if it is like a nightmare except that it was beyond imagination that those ppl used to salute me in the streets … they told me that they could take away their lives to protect me, they used to bake a cake and put it in front of their homes at my birthday, and now they are the ones humiliating me, those are the people I used to stand before them with dignity and arrogance, I m now here shamefully humiliated in front of the whole world.

Well, I am sure that many of us can relate this to certain events happening everywhere but maybe different situations, this story is now part of the history, it’s just a story, it may even be a borriinnngggg story, but let’s just learn from it ..

Dreams and Miracles

its up to your interpretation

One day a sea gull saw a mouse on the ground. Not able to communicate as they spoke in different languages, the sea gull took pity on the creature that has lost its wings. So the sea gull took the mouse onto its back, took flight to the sky thinking that the mouse must have been missing what it was like flying in the air. The mouse had a time of its life and when it was brought back to the ground, as it saw the sea gull took off and disappeared, the mouse began to feel sad, not to be able to experienced that form of freedom again. As days went by, the mouse looked into this miracle thinking that it was just a dream instead.

Paulo Coehlo,

The winner stands alone

1,018.......will never be forgotten.

“God… I have to live here alone all over again…..in the empty quiet house….lonely weekends…..utter strangers I call friends” thought Mohamed Fathy, one of millions of Egyptians working abroad in the neighboring kingdom of Saudi. It was almost 8 P.M February third 2006; he had just dropped his family at the ferry port. They had just finished their mid-year vacation and his three kids had to get back to school.

His was a typical Egyptian family that was forced to live shattered in half, the father working his days and nights thousands of kilometers away from home to help his three children; Mariam 13, Khaled 9 and Yomna 7 and their mother the patient, strong Hanaa who fought her own daily war to raise the kids without her other half Mohamed who was exiled by his will to get food on his kids’ table.

Looking at the backseat Mohamed spotted Mariam’s diary and thought that she will sure be mad when she remembers that she forgot it. “ Mariam is so special” he thought to himself “ not only is she mature and helps her mother in everything….not only is she brilliant and gets good grades at school But she’s a poet! Who would believe the daughter of the most average student would turn out to be a brilliant poet.” Mohamed thought with that enormous sense of pride a parent gets, at the same time he couldn’t help but feel sorry for himself for missing out on his children growing up.

“ This is best for them…..what good am I living with them in Egypt if I can’t pay for a proper education……I never want my kids to go to those nasty public schools….how else could I buy them good clothing? How else can I supply them good food every day? How else (when the day comes) am I going to help them get married? I have to stay here….even if I don’t like it. Even if I hate my job, the weather, the country and the people! To hell with me! Everything I do is for Hanaa and my three kids”. With these thoughts Mohamed dismissed the idea that he is spending all his kid’s life away from them, seeing them only once a year. He didn’t want to acknowledge that his son needed a father figure in his life. He didn’t want to acknowledge that Hanaa needed a man to protect her. He didn’t want to acknowledge that young Yomna couldn’t get why her beloved father is constantly introduced and then removed from her life. And finally he didn’t want to acknowledge that Mariam, his teenage daughter was suffering from a load that was far too heavy for her young years. All Mohamed knew was that he didn’t want his children to suffer the malnutritioned, undereducated, rough and ruthless life he had with his 8 brothers and sisters while growing up.

Mohammed arrived to his empty home with a battle raging in his mind.

“Mama!!! Khaled hit me!!!” shouted Yomna, Hanaa; a mother of three, was quite used to this “I swear to mighty god if you both don’t shut up I will take off my slipper and tear it on your bodies!” although Hanaa never really did go through with the threat, her kids were wise enough to recognize when their mother was at her limits, they preferred not to find out the hard way how the sting of slippers really feels.

For her three kids Hanaa is the good cop, the bad cop, the tutor, the cook, the repairman , the one who drives them to practice, the one who takes care of them when they’re sick……. You could recite her duties forever but to be brief; Hanaa was the mother and the Father for her three children for most of the year. But although she has lived like this for almost 10 years now (since Mohamed got his job in Saudi) she still feels lost as soon as the couple part.

Mariam looked aimlessly at the dark sea outside the window. She loved her father very much and despite her young age she understood the sacrifices that he made for them. But still as every teenage girl she needed that strict figure in her life to guide the way. Hanaa did he best but still she felt short after all a father is a father.

Mariam looked at her girlfriends as their fathers took care of them. “Sara’s dad always drives her everywhere……. Salma’s dad takes them out every Friday……….Nada’s dad always helps her study……I even envy my neighbor Sherine’s father for shouting at her for talking to boys on the phone…. Why should I be the only one left out with no……..”

“WHERE THE HELL IS THE SMOKE COMING FROM!!!!!” A man shouted looking out the window. By these terrifying remarks Mariam’s thoughts we’re shattered.

The 500 hundred seated passengers on the third floor of the mega- ferry Al-Salam 98 started shouting aimlessly at each other, all three levels of the ferry were jam-packed full of hundreds of poor-folk, Egyptians going back to their poor motherland of Egypt.

With a mother’s instinct Hanaa grabbed all three children under her arm anticipating what these speculations are going to end up in.

Men started going outside the window to try to guess where the smoke was coming from. Panic had clearly started to make the crowds uncontrollable by the ferry officials.

It was not until a tall dark-skinned man wearing the Egyptian gilbab shouted “ FIRREEEE……FIIRRREEEEEE…..FIIIIIIIIIRREEEEEE!!!!!!” that all hell broke loose.

People started running around madly with no direction in mind but to get out of here, they didn’t know that escaping from the fire by jumping into the sea will only cause you a slower, harder death by drowning in mid-sea.

Hanaa was left motionless. Yomna and Khaled were now crying and Mariam maintained this strong look as if to show her mother that she can back her up. Hanaa had no idea what to do people were shoveling and pushing mercilessly. An old woman fell right next to her injuring her head. All three kids now stared at her, their mother that always knew what to do, that always fixed everything, that always could make the pain go away. But there she was in the sea of poor people, mindless with panic, each thinking that he could save his-self and his family. None of them knew that the hand of providence had already sealed their fates, and that the angels had come to fetch the lives of those whom god had fated to his side.

Shocked and traumatized, Hanaa tried to think of a way out from the ferry but all exits were crammed with masses of people trying to fight their way up to the deck, smoke now almost filled the floor and breathing became hard, by now all four of them were crying.

Hanaa then thought of the only option available, the only way they could get out without fighting the vicious crowds; she grabbed a broken fire extinguisher that was only set there as a formality and broke the window, looking down she estimated the distance to be 10-20 meters (of course it was much more but then again she was not in her right state of mind). She thought that she would throw one kid at a time and since all of them knew how to swim they would surely be rescued by the soon-to-come rescue crews. It may not sound like a sane idea but desperate times call for desperate measures….and throwing your kids out of a ferry was truly beyond desperate.

“Mama loves you and she wants you to be strong” Hanaa shouted at them through her sobs “ the only way out of here is to jump through the window…..don’t worry I will be right behind you…you all know how to swim…….Yomna baby I will carry you once we’re down there, we will stick together till help comes… I am sure they’re on the way!” Yomna screamed in disbelief as she cried and heard her mother say the idea. Khaled could not comprehend, he was in absolute shock.

People were jumping from windows in numbers now as news came that the deck was now completely on fire and the only way out is to jump. They could all hear the screams of people who jumped and the splashing they made as they landed in the water but then they disappeared soundlessly in the dark water.

Hanaa carried Khaled, he did not resist, after all she was mama, she knew best. She helped him stand on the window rail and then she summoned up all the courage she could and then she pushed her only boy out of the window she hurried to look where he fell but helplessly she couldn’t see the water. Hanaa then with the help of Mariam balanced Yomna on the neighboring window as they were scared she would fall on Khaled. Again she and her daughter summoned up their will and pushed the 7 year old out of the window. Then it was Mariam’s turn but she looked at her mother and told her “you go first mama I will jump after you…..Khaled and Yomna need you” with no time to argue and no mind to think straight Hanaa shouted at her daughter “jump right after me…do you understand…..I will be waiting for you down there holding your brother and sister” Hanaa then stepped on the rail and jumped into the unknown!

Mariam knew what to do and as she tried to get on the window rail a mad old man grabbed her and pulled her off throwing her on the ground and injuring her shoulder. The man then jumped from the fully smoked floor leaving poor Mariam unconscious on the floor.

A few minutes passed and Mariam was able to stand up. All she could think of is that she is lost from her family and her mom will be worried. She summoned up her remaining strength and was able to climb on the window as she looked down she felt scared but she just pushed herself off the window.

She felt like falling endlessly she thought she took hours to reach the cold winter water. She disappeared for a few moments as her body sunk in the water from the impact. Then Mariam emerged from underwater barley able to take in her breath. Looking around at the horrified faces of the old and young people who can’t swim that are reaching out for god knows who to help them. Mariam tried to search for her mother but she was nowhere to be found, the slow movement of the ship and the strong waves have carried her family away and left her all alone.

“Mamaaaaaaaaa…….ya mamaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!” Mariam shouted in the dark for her mom. In the middle of the insane cries of the people young Mariam’s voice was barely audible. “Ya mamaaaaaaaa….mamaaaaa” Mariam then started crying. She had lost hope in everything. She was left there with hundreds of Egyptians in the middle of the dark merciless red sea waiting for rescue ……waiting for help …….waiting for god to send a miracle.

Sadly they waited for naught.

Although he was half asleep, Mohamed Fathy was waiting to hear from his family; Hanaa always called him as soon as they arrived at the port in Egypt.

The phone rang, “aloo” said Mohamed in a sleepy relieved voice.

“Disaster Mohamed ……. it’s a disaster!!!!”

Mohamed jumped off his bed to the voice of his co-worker Gamal.

“What Happened? What happened?!!”

Out of all the disasters Mohamed pictured his self or his family to fall into, out of all the tragic stories he has ever heard or even saw on T.V. drama, out of all the nightmares that anyone could think of, the words Gamal laid on Mohamed were far, far worse.

“The ferry drowned!”

“What” shouted Mohamed “ what are you saying!!!!”

“The ferry ….the one with my kids and your kids…sank in the red sea!”

Indescribable is the word to describe those feelings (I pray to god that no one experiences them), Mohamed was beyond devastated, it was as if lightning had struck his spinal cord disabling him of any type of action or movement, he couldn’t even utter a word, ……..he literally did not know what hit him. After a few minutes of utter disbelief he rushed heavily to the T.V. knocking everything in his way, he struggled to open the T.V., still a part of his mind knew this was not true, this cannot be, this is far too cruel to happen to him.

He opened al Jazeera to find the “breaking news alert: the sinking of the Egyptian ferry al salam 98 that was headed towards safaga port, casualties believed to be over 1000” Mohamed read those lines again and again as he fell into shock. His wife and kids’ faces, voices, smiles, attitudes, history, hopes and dreams….everything was shattering in front of his eyes.

He always read those breaking new alerts but they had never touched him directly, the closest he had ever been to it was when an explosion happened in Cairo or in the great earthquake of 92.

Mohamed started crying hysterically on the floor; everything he lived for was lost, his only hope in life, his only dream, his only solace for working away his life in loneliness had drowned in the red sea.

Other Egyptian friends heard about the tragedy from the news and they reached his house in 20 minutes, they started making calls to the Egyptian embassy and the consulate but no one answered. They then thought they should go to the ferry port where they met the officials and they told him that a very wide scale rescue mission has been launched under the orders of his highness king Abdullah and his Excellency president Hosni Mubarak and they were expecting survivors in the next couple of hours. In the midst of the dark came these words to Mohamed as a life rope thrown to him to save his last hope.

“They’re alive…..inshallah they’re alive, I know Hanaa she’s strong …and…and my kids can swim…..thank god I taught them…they’re coming … I know they’re coming, I can feel it….right Mahmoud? Right Sobhy” Mohamed exclaimed like a mad man.

His friends agreed with him for the sake of support but they shared a look that told that they knew no one would survive the rough cold waters of the red sea in this windy winter night.

The morning light struck with no signs of rescue ship, it was not until 10:13 A.M that the first rescue boat showed up. Families who were now overcrowding the whole area were ordered to remain calm as the names of the survivors were called through a microphone. Every few names a family would shout praises in Allah’s name, cheering the name of a loved one that has been rescued.

76 names were called; none of them were from Mohamed’s loved ones. The officials said there was another ship, 91 names were called….none of his family’s

A fourth rescue ship arrived and a fifth and a sixth and each time the survivors’ number would decrease, so would Mohamed’s hopes. The whole day passed, a total of 10 ships arrived that day all carrying survivors; total of 320 survivors were identified and 68 were still unconscious and unidentified.

Mohammed fought the rational odds set by his mind, he was possessed by a mysterious inner strength that his family will make it, he was certain of it. He didn’t even believe the Egyptian minister of transportation his Excellency Mr. Mohamed Lotfy Mansour who said that the chances of finding survivors now were very slim.

Mohamed just knew that Hanaa will come on the next ship and that he will hug his children and never let them go again. They will live as a family back home in Egypt, under any conditions, he will teach his kids himself if he has to, he won’t eat to feed them, he will do his best to raise them, he will stand by Hanaa and help her in the house, he won’t leave her to face life alone, he will leave the money behind him in Saudi and go back home…… Egypt...……to his family…………..to unite his only family …. The one thing he lived for.

On the seventh day of the disaster, Mohamed was still camping at the port, hoping and praying that his family will come any second. He saw hundreds of families reunited by fate and he prayed for the safety of his family. He also saw several hundreds of families destroyed by grief on their lost beloved. He had been to every hospital, he saw more than 1000 bodies and over 50 unidentified survivors that had been brought back to be identified and his family was nowhere to be found.

Mohamed went to the local morgue to see if he could identify any of the newly arrived bodies. By then this had become a daily routine; seeing dead bodies and hoping that you would not identify them. For Mohamed it seemed like he was delaying the inevitable, despite the impossibility of his family surviving he still clenched to the illusion of hope.

Death had unfortunately spoken its words, and as he walked into the morgue there they were ….….Hanaa……….Khaled……….and Yomna.

His legs were paralyzed and he fell straight on his face while crying. He had his hands around his head and he was screaming ….. He was screaming his family’s names. Then he stood on his knees and started talking to his family. “Hanaaaaaaaa why did you leave me…..Ya Haanaaaaaaaaa why did you leave, come baaaack!!!! Come back to me, I won’t leave your siiiiiide!!!!! Why Hanaaaaaaaa!!!”…….”ahhhhhhhh my son……..Khaled, baba is calling you!!!!!!!! Ya Khaaaaaaled answer your father!!!!” as he looked at his youngest daughter Yomna, Mohamed could no longer bear his agony, he passed out. The morgue was full of keening sounds that slowly rose to a crescendo of anguish and pain, as people screamed their grief and anger, screamed for those they’d lost forever. Mohamed had lost three of his most loved ones.

After 10 days of search and rescue missions Minister Mohamed Lotfy Mansour announced the suspension of the rescue operation and those who were not found were declared dead, it meant Mohamed had lost Mariam; the only dim ray of light that kept him hoping.

His friends wanted to help him accept his family’s fate, they tried to do what they could to help him through his grief but Mohamed was beyond help.

He had lost his reason to live.

After obtaining death certificates for his whole family, Mohammed packed his belongings and was going back to Egypt for the funeral, he had to be present to accept the condolences in person.

While packing he stumbled upon his eldest daughter’s diary, he held it for a long time, his tears streaming on the cheap plastic covering. With trembling fingers, he opened it to read her final thoughts.

She had written a poem:

I am afraid of something unknown…

I feel that soon I will be alone

I wish my father would come back home

I need him around me and not through the phone

Tomorrow I will go back to Egypt my home

And my family will be cleaved, each half on its own

I am afraid of something unknown

BASED ON A TRUE STORY

Written by: Aly Khaled

Editors: Islam Adel and Ahmed Osama

timeline editor : Haj ahmed abo bakr (may god give him health and a lengthy life)

"El7amdolellah"

“Tss...tss...tss…tss...tss…tss....”  Da sot el maya el kanet 3ammala tna2at men el takeef tool el lel embare7, se7et 7arran w arfan w msh nayem kwys, lebest hdoomy wna metzarben w nzelt 3shan aroo7 el shoghl.

Lamma wselt l awel el share3 fata7t el ma7faza 3shan atalla3 floos w awa2af taxi, ektashaft eny m3yish floos, etnarfezt gedan la2an el ATM be3eed wna msh faye2 lesa a3od amshy waroo7 as7ab w el farhada dy.

Ettarret eny astana el shuttle bus el b blash el mloosh mw3id mo3yna, w tool man a3ed mstny 3amal afteker sot el takeef el mostafez w a2ol l nafsy da eh el yom el nakad men awelo da!  B3d shwya gah el shuttle bus, w rkbt, w tle3 eno mbywdish 3l shoghl 3ltool, bynazzel f 7etta ablo b shwya, fa nzelt w ettaret amshy bta3 10 mins fel 7arr, wel shams wel3a. Wselt el ghoghl met27’ar w 7arran w 3ar2an w msh taye2 nafsy, 3ammal asebb wal3an w 3yz atkhane2 ma3 debban weshy.

A3att 3al maktab bta3y, w la7ezt en fee wa7ed gdid awel mara ashofo a3ed fel cubicle el gnby, el hya kanet fadya abl kda. Shaklo Chinese, kan 7atet el speakers w a3ed shaghal 3ala el laptop bta3o, a3at a2ool men da, w b3den eftkrt en el line manager el esboo3 el fat allena en fee new joiner gay gdid fel department enhrda

.

 Awel ma a3att w fata7t el laptop w bd2t afta7 emailaty w ashof el waraya, sme3t soot 3aly awy gay men wraya, sot msm3toosh abl kda, zay raz3 kda aw habd monazzam;  basset waraya w la2et el ragel el chinese el kan a3ed gamby we2ef w mashy fel maktab raye7 n7yet el bab, kan byo3org,  3arga w7sha awy, msh baseeta, aktar 3arga bayna shoftaha f 7yaty, kol reglo el yemeen betlef laffa kamla kol mara byshelha w y7otaha tany 3al ard, w gesmo kolo btla3 w ynzl f kol 7’atwa bya7’odha, w howa da el kan bye3mel el sot el gamed awy da, habdet regleeh 3al ard.  Fedelt atfarrag 3aleh w howa mashy l7ad ma wesel lel bab w fat7o w tl3 bara, ta2reeban raye7 el 7ammam, el masafa dy ana bakhodha f 10-11 sanya, howa khadha f 7awaly d2ee2a. 

Awel e7sas 7aseto sa3etha (abl ma 7atta a7es eno s3ban 3lya) 7asset eny arfan men nafsy, w moshma2ez menha,  w msh msda2 ana ezay mastahelsh a3ish kda! Ba2a ana tool el yom 3mal asebb wal3an w mdaye2 men 3eshty w men 7yaty, 3shan el takif byna2at maya, w 3shan mkontsh ader amshy l7ad el ATM, w 3shan meshet shwya fel 7ar! Ana mosta3ed a7lef en el ragel da m3ndoosh ayyyyyy mane3 eno actually yet3’arra2 b mayet el takeef kol yom w howa nayem, w ys7a yleff 3ala kol el ATMS el fel mante2a, w yro7 w yerga3 kol yom mel sho3’l mashy fe moqabel en reglo teb2a 3adeya, w ye3raf yegry w yel3ab kora, w y3raf y3oom w yleff w ytfsa7, aw maybe howa msh 3ayez koool el 7gat dy; maybe howa 3yz reglo tb2a 3adeya bas 3shan y3raf ymshy 3ady f west el nas w myb2ash maksoof, w my3mlsh dawsha wel nas matfdlsh tboss 3aleh, w may7essesh bel shafaqa 3alatool,w my7esesh eno self conscious tool el wa2t.

We el afkar dy khalletny afkar f kol 7aga f 7yaty, w kol 7aga 7awalaya, khalletny afkar fe kol el nas el m3ndhash beet aslan 3shan yb2a fee takeef 3shan yn2at 3lehom! Wel nas el m3homsh floos yshtro ma7faza y7oto feha ATM card, w tb3an el nas el 3omraha aslan ma sem3et 3an 7aga esmaha ATM card, wel nas el 3omraha ma rekbet otobis, msh 7atta taxi, wel nas el m3ndhash shoghl troo7o met27’ar aw badry, w da khlany afkar f kol el 3andena w msh 7asseen beeh, kol mara bn2ool fiha “off! W eh el araf da! W eh el zolm da! W ana mkhnoo2 awy! W leh ya Rab kda! Ana bgd msh taye2 3eshty!“ we7na 3andena kooool 7aga, fe 3a2elat kamla m3ndhash 7aga w7da bas mel 3and ay wa7ed fina!

 Leh bnfkar bas f el msh 3ndna w mbnfkrsh f el msh 3and el nas, leh 3omrena mabn2ool el 7amdolelah, w leh 3omrena mbnshkor rabbena w leh wkhdeen kol 7aga for granted, w bndaye2 lama 7aga w7da tro7 menena, aw 7aga w7da nefsna fiha magatlenash, ma3 en el waqe3 en aslan kol 7aga bta3et rbna, howa el edana kol 7aga, w howa el momken yakhodha f ay wa2t, la2an kolaha bt3to.

law wa7ed gah men nafso kda edak meet gneh hedeya lellah f lellah, b3den gah khad menak 5, 7a2o wla msh 7a2o? akid msh hatedaye2, hatboos 2edek wesh w dahr, la2an howa aslan kareem gedan,W law w7da gat edetek 100 gneh, htdy2y law madetkish kman 10? Tab3an la2, la2n hya msh motalba enaha tediky 7aga mel awl! Tab mabalak b2a bel edak kol 7aga, edak 7yatak, w edaky 3neky w 2deky w reglak, w floosak w lebsak, w se7etak w sa3adtak, w bardo msh 3agbak! da7na el mafrood n2ol el7mdolelah 3la kol so3'yara w kbira, w lamma nedaye2 en fe 7aga msh 3ndena, nftker bsor3a en fe nas m3ndhash ayyyy 7aga f ayyy 7aga, w n2ool el7mdolealh f sa3etha.

A3at afkar f kol el 7gat dy, b3den 2olt el7mdolelah, el7mdolelah, el7mdolelah, w fdelt mdaye2 shwaya b3den bada2t shoghl, w rakezt fel shoghl w b3den ektshft en wraya shoghl ktir awy, w hyakhod wa2t taweel, fa etkhn2t awy, w olt l nafsy eh el araf da, leh mb2ash bashtghal shoghl alazz, aw babaya kan yb2a millionaire w yshghlny m3ah fel sherka, ba3den fakart fe raqam million, w eny 3ayez ab2a millionaire, w eny nefsy f 3arbya a7la, w....w nset kol el ana kont bfkar fi men 5 d2aye2, 3shan ana bani2adam, wel bani2adam byensa, w 3shan kda lazem nfakar b3d dayman, enena n2ol el7mdolelah.